16.2.07
An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for
them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2
years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a
rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense
of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a
need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow
movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate,
hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end,
this always yields better results.
Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned
companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the
hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive
early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000
employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything,
either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed
parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there
are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early
we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a
place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.
Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement
establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to
taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.
Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it
stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement
called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"
generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality
of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more
productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour
workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow
attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the
"do it now!".
This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower
productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality,
productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It
means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking
the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and
anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of
living.
It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and
more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.
It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious
quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of
products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.
In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl
to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute
now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they
dance to a tango.
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we
die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others
are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present,
which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout
the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of
us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said,
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many
who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this
globalized world.
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for
them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2
years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a
rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense
of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a
need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow
movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate,
hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end,
this always yields better results.
Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned
companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the
hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive
early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000
employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything,
either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed
parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there
are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early
we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a
place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.
Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement
establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to
taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.
Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it
stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement
called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"
generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality
of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more
productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour
workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow
attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the
"do it now!".
This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower
productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality,
productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It
means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking
the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and
anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of
living.
It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and
more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.
It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious
quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of
products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.
In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl
to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute
now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they
dance to a tango.
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we
die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others
are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present,
which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout
the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of
us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said,
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many
who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this
globalized world.
11.12.04
Getting into Flow
Emotional Intelligence at Its Best
By Dianne Schilling
My baby daughter was napping, my son was at school. On a hastily prepared canvas perched on an easel in the kitchen, I eagerly began to paint -- it was a project I'd been planning for weeks. The time was midmorning -- then, suddenly, it was 2:00 p.m. Somewhere in there I must have tended to the baby, but I don't remember. It happened years ago. The children are grown, the painting is long since discarded along with the easel, and the kitchen belongs to someone else. What remains, indelibly, is my memory of the ecstasy -- the absolute wonder of being in "flow."
Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that you completely lost track of time? What an incredible feeling it is to "come to" and realize that for an hour or more you achieved perfect concentration, your thoughts and emotions precisely channeled, totally aligned with the task at hand. No preoccupation, no anxiety, no blocks -- nothing to impede the -- here's that word again -- flow.
What is Flow?
Researchers describe flow as a unique state of concentration in which action seems to be effortless. Whether painting, writing, planning, scheming, inventing, or running a 10K, you feel alert, unselfconscious and totally absorbed in the present moment. Flow is a state entered when you are performing at your peak or stretching beyond former limits. Emotions are positive and energized, yet your attention is so focused on the task at hand that you may not be aware of feelings at all except in retrospect. Everything but the task is forgotten -- time, surroundings, even yourself. Awareness and action become one.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist who has studied and written about flow, compares it to what sports psychologists call reaching the "zone," a state of transcendent absorption that seems to push champion athletes beyond former limits. The primary difference between flow and the zone is motivation. The point of reaching the zone is to win. Achieving flow is usually an end in itself.
Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam 1995) suggests that flow is "emotional intelligence at its best." Not only are feelings incredibly positive (rapture, spontaneous joy), all of the usual emotional static is absent. In flow, senses, feelings, actions, and thoughts are perfectly attuned and you respond to feedback from the task or activity itself. The painter communes with the painting, the writer "becomes" her heroine, the architect moves about inside the building on her drawing board, the rock climber is part of the mountain.
It's Cool!
People who are performing in a state of flow make difficult tasks look easy and natural. They are focused and attentive, but completely relaxed. According to Goleman, this parallels what is happening in the brain, where even the most challenging tasks are accomplished with a minimum expenditure of mental energy. In flow, the brain is in a cool, quiet state. Where you might expect more brain activity, there is actually less.
Your brain operates on four main frequencies or waves: beta (13-25 cycles per second (CPS), alpha (8-12 CPS), theta (4-7 CPS), and delta (.5 to 3 CPS). If you're wide awake and alert, for example talking or trying to solve problem at home or work, your brain is probably "transmitting" and "receiving" at 13 to 25 cycles per second -- the beta level. However, it is probably in the alpha state that heightened powers of concentration and creativity, as well as great mental and athletic performances, are achieved. Alpha brain waves produce a conscious state of relaxed wakefulness which is characteristic of flow. British learning innovator Colin Rose says, "This is the brain wave that characterizes relaxation and meditation, the state of mind during which you daydream, let your imagination run. It is a state of relaxed alertness that facilitates inspiration, fast assimilation of facts and heightened memory."
Finding the Entrance
Flow occurs near the summit of ability, the level of mastery. It is the practiced, confident skier -- not the awkward, nervous one -- who "flows" down the mountain. Practiced moves require much less brain effort than those being learned. With mastery, skills are well-rehearsed and neural circuits efficient. So one key to experiencing flow is to engage in activities at which you already excel; another is to pursue activities to which you are naturally drawn. Identify your competencies and preferred learning styles. Play to your strengths. Then practice, practice, practice.
Give yourself a challenge. Choose something that is hard enough to stretch your abilities but not so hard that you get discouraged. Put another way -- select a task at which you are skilled and engage in it at a level slightly above your ability.
Moving into flow requires discipline. Start by focusing sharp attention on the task. Concentrate. Stay in the present moment and try not to be concerned about how you are performing. Agitation and anxiety prevent flow, so using stress reduction techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, may help. Try playing baroque music softly in the background. The tempo of baroque music (60-70 beats per minute) is identical to alpha brain waves and has been shown in research to induce a state of relaxed alertness.
It's easy to get hooked on flow. Once you've been there, you'll want to return. The desire to re-experience this blissful state can provide the motivation to get better and better at something, perfect your skills, take on greater challenges. I can't think of a better, more intrinsic motivator. To flow. . . you have to grow.
Emotional Intelligence at Its Best
By Dianne Schilling
My baby daughter was napping, my son was at school. On a hastily prepared canvas perched on an easel in the kitchen, I eagerly began to paint -- it was a project I'd been planning for weeks. The time was midmorning -- then, suddenly, it was 2:00 p.m. Somewhere in there I must have tended to the baby, but I don't remember. It happened years ago. The children are grown, the painting is long since discarded along with the easel, and the kitchen belongs to someone else. What remains, indelibly, is my memory of the ecstasy -- the absolute wonder of being in "flow."
Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that you completely lost track of time? What an incredible feeling it is to "come to" and realize that for an hour or more you achieved perfect concentration, your thoughts and emotions precisely channeled, totally aligned with the task at hand. No preoccupation, no anxiety, no blocks -- nothing to impede the -- here's that word again -- flow.
What is Flow?
Researchers describe flow as a unique state of concentration in which action seems to be effortless. Whether painting, writing, planning, scheming, inventing, or running a 10K, you feel alert, unselfconscious and totally absorbed in the present moment. Flow is a state entered when you are performing at your peak or stretching beyond former limits. Emotions are positive and energized, yet your attention is so focused on the task at hand that you may not be aware of feelings at all except in retrospect. Everything but the task is forgotten -- time, surroundings, even yourself. Awareness and action become one.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist who has studied and written about flow, compares it to what sports psychologists call reaching the "zone," a state of transcendent absorption that seems to push champion athletes beyond former limits. The primary difference between flow and the zone is motivation. The point of reaching the zone is to win. Achieving flow is usually an end in itself.
Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam 1995) suggests that flow is "emotional intelligence at its best." Not only are feelings incredibly positive (rapture, spontaneous joy), all of the usual emotional static is absent. In flow, senses, feelings, actions, and thoughts are perfectly attuned and you respond to feedback from the task or activity itself. The painter communes with the painting, the writer "becomes" her heroine, the architect moves about inside the building on her drawing board, the rock climber is part of the mountain.
It's Cool!
People who are performing in a state of flow make difficult tasks look easy and natural. They are focused and attentive, but completely relaxed. According to Goleman, this parallels what is happening in the brain, where even the most challenging tasks are accomplished with a minimum expenditure of mental energy. In flow, the brain is in a cool, quiet state. Where you might expect more brain activity, there is actually less.
Your brain operates on four main frequencies or waves: beta (13-25 cycles per second (CPS), alpha (8-12 CPS), theta (4-7 CPS), and delta (.5 to 3 CPS). If you're wide awake and alert, for example talking or trying to solve problem at home or work, your brain is probably "transmitting" and "receiving" at 13 to 25 cycles per second -- the beta level. However, it is probably in the alpha state that heightened powers of concentration and creativity, as well as great mental and athletic performances, are achieved. Alpha brain waves produce a conscious state of relaxed wakefulness which is characteristic of flow. British learning innovator Colin Rose says, "This is the brain wave that characterizes relaxation and meditation, the state of mind during which you daydream, let your imagination run. It is a state of relaxed alertness that facilitates inspiration, fast assimilation of facts and heightened memory."
Finding the Entrance
Flow occurs near the summit of ability, the level of mastery. It is the practiced, confident skier -- not the awkward, nervous one -- who "flows" down the mountain. Practiced moves require much less brain effort than those being learned. With mastery, skills are well-rehearsed and neural circuits efficient. So one key to experiencing flow is to engage in activities at which you already excel; another is to pursue activities to which you are naturally drawn. Identify your competencies and preferred learning styles. Play to your strengths. Then practice, practice, practice.
Give yourself a challenge. Choose something that is hard enough to stretch your abilities but not so hard that you get discouraged. Put another way -- select a task at which you are skilled and engage in it at a level slightly above your ability.
Moving into flow requires discipline. Start by focusing sharp attention on the task. Concentrate. Stay in the present moment and try not to be concerned about how you are performing. Agitation and anxiety prevent flow, so using stress reduction techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, may help. Try playing baroque music softly in the background. The tempo of baroque music (60-70 beats per minute) is identical to alpha brain waves and has been shown in research to induce a state of relaxed alertness.
It's easy to get hooked on flow. Once you've been there, you'll want to return. The desire to re-experience this blissful state can provide the motivation to get better and better at something, perfect your skills, take on greater challenges. I can't think of a better, more intrinsic motivator. To flow. . . you have to grow.
9.11.04
GOD HELP AMERICA
Nov 5 2004 (from mirror.co.uk)
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN..
THEY say that in life you get what you deserve. Well, today America has deservedly got a lawless cowboy to lead them further into carnage and isolation and the unreserved contempt of most of the rest of the world.
This once-great country has pulled up its drawbridge for another four years and stuck a finger up to the billions of us forced to share the same air. And in doing so, it has shown itself to be a fearful, backward-looking and very small nation.
This should have been the day when Americans finally answered their critics by raising their eyes from their own sidewalks and looking outward towards the rest of humanity.
And for a few hours early yesterday, when the exit polls predicted a John Kerry victory, it seemed they had.
But then the horrible, inevitable truth hit home. They had somehow managed to re-elect the most devious, blinkered and reckless leader ever put before them. The Yellow Rogue of Texas.
A self-serving, dim-witted, draft-dodging, gung-ho little rich boy, whose idea of courage is to yell: "I feel good," as he unleashes an awesome fury which slaughters 100,000 innocents for no other reason than greed and vanity.
A dangerous chameleon, his charming exterior provides cover for a power-crazed clique of Doctor Strangeloves whose goal is to increase America's grip on the world's economies and natural resources.
And in foolishly backing him, Americans have given the go-ahead for more unilateral pre-emptive strikes, more world instability and most probably another 9/11.
Why else do you think bin Laden was so happy to scare them to the polls, then made no attempt to scupper the outcome?
There's only one headline in town today, folks: "It Was Osama Wot Won It."
And soon he'll expect pay-back. Well, he can't allow Bush to have his folks whoopin' and a-hollerin' without his own getting a share of the fun, can he?
Heck, guys, I hope you're feeling proud today.
To the tens of millions who voted for John Kerry, my commiserations.
To the overwhelming majority of you who didn't, I simply ask: Have you learnt nothing? Do you despise your own image that much?
Do you care so little about the world beyond your shores? How could you do this to yourselves?
How appalling must one man's record at home and abroad be for you to reject him?
Kerry wasn't the best presidential candidate the Democrats have ever fielded (and he did deserve a kicking for that "reporting for doo-dee" moment), but at least he understood the complexity of the world outside America, and domestic disgraces like the 45 million of his fellow citizens without health cover.
He would have done something to make that country fairer and re-connected it with the wider world.
Instead America chose a man without morals or vision. An economic incompetent who inherited a $2billion surplus from Clinton, gave it in tax cuts to the rich and turned the US into the world's largest debtor nation.
A man who sneers at the rights of other nations. Who has withdrawn from international treaties on the environment and chemical weapons.
A man who flattens sovereign states then hands the rebuilding contracts to his own billionaire party backers.
A man who promotes trade protectionism and backs an Israeli government which continually flouts UN resolutions.
America has chosen a menacingly immature buffoon who likened the pursuit of the 9/11 terrorists to a Wild West, Wanted Dead or Alive man-hunt and, during the Afghanistan war, kept a baseball scorecard in his drawer, notching up hits when news came through of enemy deaths.
A RADICAL Christian fanatic who decided the world was made up of the forces of good and evil, who invented a war on terror, and thus as author of it, believed he had the right to set the rules of engagement.
Which translates to telling his troops to do what the hell they want to the bad guys. As he has at Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and countless towns across Iraq.
You have to feel sorry for the millions of Yanks in the big cities like New York, Washington, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and San Francisco who voted to kick him out.
These are the sophisticated side of the electorate who recognise a gibbon when they see one.
As for the ones who put him in, across the Bible Belt and the South, us outsiders can only feel pity.
Were I a Kerry voter, though, I'd feel deep anger, not only at them returning Bush to power, but for allowing the outside world to lump us all into the same category of moronic muppets.
The self-righteous, gun-totin', military lovin', sister marryin', abortion-hatin', gay-loathin', foreigner-despisin', non-passport ownin' red-necks, who believe God gave America the biggest dick in the world so it could urinate on the rest of us and make their land "free and strong".
You probably won't be surprised to learn of would-be Oklahoma Republican Senator Tom Coburn who, on Tuesday, promised to ban abortion and execute any doctors who carried them out.
He also told voters that lesbianism is so rampant in the state's schools that girls were being sent to toilets on their own. Not that any principal could be found to back him up.
These are the people who hijack the word patriot and liken compassion to child-molesting. And they are unknowingly bin Laden's chief recruiting officers.
Al-Qaeda's existence is fuelled by the outpourings of America's Christian right. Bush is its commander-in-chief. And he and bin Laden need each other to survive.
Both need to play Lex Luther to each others' Superman with their own fanatical people. Maybe that's why the mightiest military machine ever assembled has failed to catch the world's most wanted man.
Or is the reason simply that America is incompetent? That behind the bluff they are frightened and clueless, which is why they've stayed with the devil they know.
VISITORS from another planet watching this election would surely not credit the amateurism.
The queues for hours to register a tick; the 17,000 lawyers needed to ensure there was no cheating; the $1.2bn wasted by parties trying to discredit the enemy; the allegations of fraud, intimidation and dirty tricks; the exit polls which were so wildly inaccurate; an Electoral College voting system that makes the Eurovision Song Contest look like a beacon of democracy and efficiency; and the delays and the legal wrangles in announcing the victor.
Yet America would have us believe theirs is the finest democracy in the world. Well, that fine democracy has got the man it deserved. George W Bush.
But is America safer today without Kerry in charge? A man who overnight would have given back to the UN some credibility and authority. Who would have worked out the best way to undo the Iraq mess without fear of losing face.
Instead, the questions facing America today are - how many more thousands of their sons will die as Iraq descends into a new Vietnam? And how many more Vietnams are on the horizon now they have given Bush the mandate to go after Iran, Syria, North Korea or Cuba...?
Today is a sad day for the world, but it's even sadder for the millions of intelligent Americans embarrassed by a gung-ho leader and backed by a banal electorate, half of whom still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11.
Yanks had the chance to show the world a better way this week, instead they made a thuggish cowboy ride off into the sunset bathed in glory.
And in doing so it brought Armageddon that little bit closer and re-christened their beloved nation The Home Of The Knave and the Land Of The Freak.
God Help America.
Nov 5 2004 (from mirror.co.uk)
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN..
THEY say that in life you get what you deserve. Well, today America has deservedly got a lawless cowboy to lead them further into carnage and isolation and the unreserved contempt of most of the rest of the world.
This once-great country has pulled up its drawbridge for another four years and stuck a finger up to the billions of us forced to share the same air. And in doing so, it has shown itself to be a fearful, backward-looking and very small nation.
This should have been the day when Americans finally answered their critics by raising their eyes from their own sidewalks and looking outward towards the rest of humanity.
And for a few hours early yesterday, when the exit polls predicted a John Kerry victory, it seemed they had.
But then the horrible, inevitable truth hit home. They had somehow managed to re-elect the most devious, blinkered and reckless leader ever put before them. The Yellow Rogue of Texas.
A self-serving, dim-witted, draft-dodging, gung-ho little rich boy, whose idea of courage is to yell: "I feel good," as he unleashes an awesome fury which slaughters 100,000 innocents for no other reason than greed and vanity.
A dangerous chameleon, his charming exterior provides cover for a power-crazed clique of Doctor Strangeloves whose goal is to increase America's grip on the world's economies and natural resources.
And in foolishly backing him, Americans have given the go-ahead for more unilateral pre-emptive strikes, more world instability and most probably another 9/11.
Why else do you think bin Laden was so happy to scare them to the polls, then made no attempt to scupper the outcome?
There's only one headline in town today, folks: "It Was Osama Wot Won It."
And soon he'll expect pay-back. Well, he can't allow Bush to have his folks whoopin' and a-hollerin' without his own getting a share of the fun, can he?
Heck, guys, I hope you're feeling proud today.
To the tens of millions who voted for John Kerry, my commiserations.
To the overwhelming majority of you who didn't, I simply ask: Have you learnt nothing? Do you despise your own image that much?
Do you care so little about the world beyond your shores? How could you do this to yourselves?
How appalling must one man's record at home and abroad be for you to reject him?
Kerry wasn't the best presidential candidate the Democrats have ever fielded (and he did deserve a kicking for that "reporting for doo-dee" moment), but at least he understood the complexity of the world outside America, and domestic disgraces like the 45 million of his fellow citizens without health cover.
He would have done something to make that country fairer and re-connected it with the wider world.
Instead America chose a man without morals or vision. An economic incompetent who inherited a $2billion surplus from Clinton, gave it in tax cuts to the rich and turned the US into the world's largest debtor nation.
A man who sneers at the rights of other nations. Who has withdrawn from international treaties on the environment and chemical weapons.
A man who flattens sovereign states then hands the rebuilding contracts to his own billionaire party backers.
A man who promotes trade protectionism and backs an Israeli government which continually flouts UN resolutions.
America has chosen a menacingly immature buffoon who likened the pursuit of the 9/11 terrorists to a Wild West, Wanted Dead or Alive man-hunt and, during the Afghanistan war, kept a baseball scorecard in his drawer, notching up hits when news came through of enemy deaths.
A RADICAL Christian fanatic who decided the world was made up of the forces of good and evil, who invented a war on terror, and thus as author of it, believed he had the right to set the rules of engagement.
Which translates to telling his troops to do what the hell they want to the bad guys. As he has at Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and countless towns across Iraq.
You have to feel sorry for the millions of Yanks in the big cities like New York, Washington, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and San Francisco who voted to kick him out.
These are the sophisticated side of the electorate who recognise a gibbon when they see one.
As for the ones who put him in, across the Bible Belt and the South, us outsiders can only feel pity.
Were I a Kerry voter, though, I'd feel deep anger, not only at them returning Bush to power, but for allowing the outside world to lump us all into the same category of moronic muppets.
The self-righteous, gun-totin', military lovin', sister marryin', abortion-hatin', gay-loathin', foreigner-despisin', non-passport ownin' red-necks, who believe God gave America the biggest dick in the world so it could urinate on the rest of us and make their land "free and strong".
You probably won't be surprised to learn of would-be Oklahoma Republican Senator Tom Coburn who, on Tuesday, promised to ban abortion and execute any doctors who carried them out.
He also told voters that lesbianism is so rampant in the state's schools that girls were being sent to toilets on their own. Not that any principal could be found to back him up.
These are the people who hijack the word patriot and liken compassion to child-molesting. And they are unknowingly bin Laden's chief recruiting officers.
Al-Qaeda's existence is fuelled by the outpourings of America's Christian right. Bush is its commander-in-chief. And he and bin Laden need each other to survive.
Both need to play Lex Luther to each others' Superman with their own fanatical people. Maybe that's why the mightiest military machine ever assembled has failed to catch the world's most wanted man.
Or is the reason simply that America is incompetent? That behind the bluff they are frightened and clueless, which is why they've stayed with the devil they know.
VISITORS from another planet watching this election would surely not credit the amateurism.
The queues for hours to register a tick; the 17,000 lawyers needed to ensure there was no cheating; the $1.2bn wasted by parties trying to discredit the enemy; the allegations of fraud, intimidation and dirty tricks; the exit polls which were so wildly inaccurate; an Electoral College voting system that makes the Eurovision Song Contest look like a beacon of democracy and efficiency; and the delays and the legal wrangles in announcing the victor.
Yet America would have us believe theirs is the finest democracy in the world. Well, that fine democracy has got the man it deserved. George W Bush.
But is America safer today without Kerry in charge? A man who overnight would have given back to the UN some credibility and authority. Who would have worked out the best way to undo the Iraq mess without fear of losing face.
Instead, the questions facing America today are - how many more thousands of their sons will die as Iraq descends into a new Vietnam? And how many more Vietnams are on the horizon now they have given Bush the mandate to go after Iran, Syria, North Korea or Cuba...?
Today is a sad day for the world, but it's even sadder for the millions of intelligent Americans embarrassed by a gung-ho leader and backed by a banal electorate, half of whom still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11.
Yanks had the chance to show the world a better way this week, instead they made a thuggish cowboy ride off into the sunset bathed in glory.
And in doing so it brought Armageddon that little bit closer and re-christened their beloved nation The Home Of The Knave and the Land Of The Freak.
God Help America.
20.10.04
He is the Potter and I am the clay
There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea-cups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them suddenly the tea-cup spoke, "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.
My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone', but he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!!'
Then WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around.
'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed.
But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet'
He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then......
"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.
Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'.
"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah, this is much better,' I thought.
"But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please stop it, Stop it!!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'.
"Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded, I screamed and I cried. I was convinced I would never make it and was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next?
"An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did.
"I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!"'
"Quietly he spoke: I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled'. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.
'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'
The moral of this story is this:
God knows what He's doing [for each of us]. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.
So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this..
Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.
There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea-cups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them suddenly the tea-cup spoke, "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.
My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone', but he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!!'
Then WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around.
'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed.
But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet'
He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then......
"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.
Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'.
"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah, this is much better,' I thought.
"But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please stop it, Stop it!!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'.
"Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded, I screamed and I cried. I was convinced I would never make it and was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next?
"An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did.
"I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!"'
"Quietly he spoke: I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled'. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.
'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'
The moral of this story is this:
God knows what He's doing [for each of us]. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.
So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this..
Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.
13.10.04
Rinatta Paries: Ten Ways to Blow It in a Relationship
What do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end?
Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start.
1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives.
2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?
3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.
4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.
5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.
6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.
7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.
8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.
9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?
10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.
If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, be…
* Honest
* Communicative
* Clear about your needs and boundaries
* A good listener
On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. But being in fear it will end actually makes the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let go of the attachment that the person you are with be THE right person. Simply be with him or her one day at a time.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
What do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end?
Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start.
1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives.
2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?
3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.
4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.
5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.
6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.
7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.
8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.
9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?
10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.
If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, be…
* Honest
* Communicative
* Clear about your needs and boundaries
* A good listener
On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. But being in fear it will end actually makes the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let go of the attachment that the person you are with be THE right person. Simply be with him or her one day at a time.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes...
Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".
Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...
Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".
Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...
7.10.04
Judging your potential life partner
Love may be blind but you need to be rational when you choose your spouse. Look for jarring habits, and listen early on for the thinking behind what your beloved says.
By John Bittleston
Committment to someone for life can be an excruxiatingly long, or short, experience. It depends on two things:
(a) whether you approach the lifelong partnership in the spirit of love and growth for the both of you
(b) whether you are lucky enough to have tied up with an agreeable, caring and loving person.
You have much influence over the former, but much less control over the latter.
A couple I know have just split up. She walked out on him. I asked him if he wanted her back. His reply was interesting: ‘I want back the woman I married thirteen years ago.’ I pointed out to him that he couldn’t have that person back because, in the thirteen years since they had married, she had changed – just as he had. He was adamant. I doubt they will get back together, which is sad.
Both will feel a sense of failure, and blame each other. Their children may be hurt. Maybe they will find other partners. The pain goes out from them to others who know them.
Would more careful choosing at the start have saved all this agony?
We shall never know. What we do know is that many failed marriages could have been much happier if some basic rules were observed at the beginning. They are often ignored because love is blind. There is a time during which the couple think that all their differences can be overcome by love. They find out later that they cannot.
Yes, it’s the differences that we need to think about. It’s a very good idea to have a few different interests, but only a few. It’s an excellent idea to have some points on which the political, social, religious views differ, but only some. It’s great to have had slightly different backgrounds so that you can each learn from the other the joys of a new culture or a new style of life. But the differences should be slight, not massive.
The importance of many common values, understandings and aspirations cannot be overstated.
We all know the old saying that every woman thinks her husband-to-be will change for the better after marriage, but he doesn’t. We also know that every man believes that his wife will not change after marriage, but she does. It’s how both partners adapt to change that matters.
So as you sit down to that first evening to dine or talk or coffee house, what should you look for to discover if the person opposite you would make a good spouse?
The first, and I think the most important thing, is the strange little characteristics of the other person. A very loud laugh, a tendency to need to brush the hair from the face, a lack of consideration for you when they are about to eat or drink, rough treatment of others, nasty gossip. As you get drawn into love you will see these as charming, endearing idiosyncrasies. After a few months they will become irritating, perhaps maddening. Watch for them early on. If you can adapt to them, they don’t matter. If they ’jar’ with you now, they will do so forever.
Observe the person’s attitudes to other people, to service (doing a job well), to money, to ambitions, to travel, to home life, to religion, to health.
When we first meet someone we admire or think we might love, we are very busy presenting ourselves to the best advantage. Is our clothing tidy, are we being impressive, are we witty and amusing?
We should instead concentrate on learning about the other person. Observe their habits, their self-awareness, their emotional intelligence, their natural kindness, their concern for you. How they behave now is very much how they are going to behave in the future.
Ask questions. There is no simpler way to get informed than asking questions. Ask what they like and dislike. Ask when they have been happiest and saddest. Ask about their home life, school, education, jobs. Ask about their attitudes to other people you may both know, to public figures, to world situations.
Ask them how they would change the world if they could, where they would live if they had total choice, what would be the thing they would most like to achieve in life. In the end it doesn’t matter all that much what you ask. You just want to find out all about them.
You should also listen well. They are sending you all sorts of coded messages in their answers. If you really pay attention you will learn at least five times as much as if you don’t.
"We are not declared by our answers but by the meaning behind those answers."
We all need to love and to be loved. Your ideal partner is one who will love you even more than you love them. And their ideal partner is one who will love them even more than they love you.
Good luck on the love trail. Make it as rational as you can.
This article is written by John Bittleston, a contributing writer to 1match1.
Love may be blind but you need to be rational when you choose your spouse. Look for jarring habits, and listen early on for the thinking behind what your beloved says.
By John Bittleston
Committment to someone for life can be an excruxiatingly long, or short, experience. It depends on two things:
(a) whether you approach the lifelong partnership in the spirit of love and growth for the both of you
(b) whether you are lucky enough to have tied up with an agreeable, caring and loving person.
You have much influence over the former, but much less control over the latter.
A couple I know have just split up. She walked out on him. I asked him if he wanted her back. His reply was interesting: ‘I want back the woman I married thirteen years ago.’ I pointed out to him that he couldn’t have that person back because, in the thirteen years since they had married, she had changed – just as he had. He was adamant. I doubt they will get back together, which is sad.
Both will feel a sense of failure, and blame each other. Their children may be hurt. Maybe they will find other partners. The pain goes out from them to others who know them.
Would more careful choosing at the start have saved all this agony?
We shall never know. What we do know is that many failed marriages could have been much happier if some basic rules were observed at the beginning. They are often ignored because love is blind. There is a time during which the couple think that all their differences can be overcome by love. They find out later that they cannot.
Yes, it’s the differences that we need to think about. It’s a very good idea to have a few different interests, but only a few. It’s an excellent idea to have some points on which the political, social, religious views differ, but only some. It’s great to have had slightly different backgrounds so that you can each learn from the other the joys of a new culture or a new style of life. But the differences should be slight, not massive.
The importance of many common values, understandings and aspirations cannot be overstated.
We all know the old saying that every woman thinks her husband-to-be will change for the better after marriage, but he doesn’t. We also know that every man believes that his wife will not change after marriage, but she does. It’s how both partners adapt to change that matters.
So as you sit down to that first evening to dine or talk or coffee house, what should you look for to discover if the person opposite you would make a good spouse?
The first, and I think the most important thing, is the strange little characteristics of the other person. A very loud laugh, a tendency to need to brush the hair from the face, a lack of consideration for you when they are about to eat or drink, rough treatment of others, nasty gossip. As you get drawn into love you will see these as charming, endearing idiosyncrasies. After a few months they will become irritating, perhaps maddening. Watch for them early on. If you can adapt to them, they don’t matter. If they ’jar’ with you now, they will do so forever.
Observe the person’s attitudes to other people, to service (doing a job well), to money, to ambitions, to travel, to home life, to religion, to health.
When we first meet someone we admire or think we might love, we are very busy presenting ourselves to the best advantage. Is our clothing tidy, are we being impressive, are we witty and amusing?
We should instead concentrate on learning about the other person. Observe their habits, their self-awareness, their emotional intelligence, their natural kindness, their concern for you. How they behave now is very much how they are going to behave in the future.
Ask questions. There is no simpler way to get informed than asking questions. Ask what they like and dislike. Ask when they have been happiest and saddest. Ask about their home life, school, education, jobs. Ask about their attitudes to other people you may both know, to public figures, to world situations.
Ask them how they would change the world if they could, where they would live if they had total choice, what would be the thing they would most like to achieve in life. In the end it doesn’t matter all that much what you ask. You just want to find out all about them.
You should also listen well. They are sending you all sorts of coded messages in their answers. If you really pay attention you will learn at least five times as much as if you don’t.
"We are not declared by our answers but by the meaning behind those answers."
We all need to love and to be loved. Your ideal partner is one who will love you even more than you love them. And their ideal partner is one who will love them even more than they love you.
Good luck on the love trail. Make it as rational as you can.
This article is written by John Bittleston, a contributing writer to 1match1.
2.10.04
>A long article by Sumiko Tan but an interesting read...
>
>
>Driving along Grange Road towards Ngee Ann City one day, my heart hicupped.
>On the other side of the road was a car which bore the licence plate of a
>former boyfriend. But the vehicle whizzed by too fast for me to see if it
>was indeed him inside. Although that relationship ended on a bad note (he
>jilted me) many, many moons ago when I was barely 21, leaving me tear-soaked
>and seeped with sadness for a long, long time, the sighting brought back a
>rush of memories, which were mostly bitter. Luckily I soon reached the
>shopping mall. It's wonderful how bright lights and the prospect of
>spending money can cheer one up. What a low-life that guy was and what a
>lucky escape I had had, I told myself, zapping him from my mind as I entered
>the On Pedder shop where an enticing array of open-toed sandals awaited me.
>
>
>Love. Can it really be eternal?
>The poet Robert Graves describes love as "a universal migraine", "a bright
>stain on the vision/blotting out reason". If that were so, I must by now be
>quite blind and without reason, for I have been in love not a few times. It
>is, after all, a thrilling sensation, with all the cliches about it ringing
>true. When you're in love, you see the world with new eyes. Everything feels
>almost unbearably light, and life can never be more right. Everyday concerns
>- the mortgage, job insecurities, family problems - seem so irrelevant. What
>matter is being with the object of your affection - that hot rush of
>anticipation as you wait for him, the warmth that engulfs you when you are
>finally together, the smugness in knowing you are loved.
>
>
>Can there be a nicer feeling than that? The way I see it, there are four
>types of people when it comes to love. The first finds a soulmate early in
>life. She marries him, they set up a home, have kids, and their life's
>pretty settled from then on. The second type moves from one relationship
>onto another, and the relationships are more often than not fraught with
>woes. Life is one roller-coaster ride as she soars with joy and plunges into
>misery. The third sort doesn't care for relationships, for she can be
>perfectly happy without a beloved by her side. Then, there is the fourth
>type, who dearly wishes to be involved with someone, but can't find the
>right partner.
>
>
>I suppose I fall into the second category, for I have had my share of
>turbulent relationships. Love, I have discovered, is seldom a one-way ticket
>to the moon. The journey can be aborted half-way and you can find yourself
>hitting the ground with a bump. Sadly, I have had my share of being brought
>down to earth. And, if I look back on my relationships, there are some
>lessons in love I have learnt: It is better to be dumped than to dump. Of
>course this is putting it simply. Life is more complex than that - there are
>people who deserve to be dumped. But if both parties haven't done any wrong,
>I'd prefer to be the "dumpee" than the "dumper" any day. Of course, it hurts
>like crazy when you discover that a person no longer loves you. But feeling
>hurt is any time better than feeling guilty. The former fuels a range of
>emotions - wretchedness, anger and self-pity chief among them - which are,
>actually, rather self-indulgent sensations and not totally unpleasant. But
>when you're the bad guy, there are no two ways about it - you've done
>something horrible to someone and the only way you can feel is lousy.
>
>
>It's not love when it's stormy. I used to think that true love had to be
>wrought with turbulent feelings, Wasn't this what Passion was all about?
>What was love without tiffs and spats, followed by dizzy kisses when you
>patched up? These days, I regard a calmer life as the healthier option.
>Because, every time you quarrel with a loved one, you are tearing him
>down,and surely that can't be what love is? It should be about shoring up
>your partner, not bring him down.
>
>
>Love just happens. You can't search for it. There was a time when I went to
>parties in the hope that I'd meet someone I could fall in love with. Well,
>it never happened. The relationships I treasure started from chance
>encounters, never through a blind date or an arranged meeting. And for those
>who are single, fret not. Serendipitous meetings do happen.
>
>
>If you love a person, you would want to show him off. If you have any qualms
>at all about the person whom you say you love perhaps you're embarrassed by
>the car he drives, or that he's balding or that he stutters or doesn't have
>a university degree - it can't be love. When you love someone, you'd regard
>him as a trophy and want to flaunt him to the world. A sharp knife cuts the
>quickest. It also hurts the least.
>
>
>When love peters out and it's time to call it quits, say your adieus
>snappily. Prolonging the goodbye only lengthens the misery and leaves a
>lousy aftertaste. Besides, a short and sweet farewell is the classiest exit.
>
>
>Love scars heal. Yes, amazingly they do, though it takes ages to forget
>someone who has forsaken you. You will alternate between fantasizing about
>looking drop-dead gorgeous and winning him back, and scheming to wreak
>revenge on him. But one day, you'll wake up, gaze at his picture and feel -
>nothing.
>
>
>If it's really love, he will marry you. Bah you say? What a stupid notion in
>this day and age? A woman doesn't need the man she loves to marry her?
>Besides, hasn't the institution of marriage been devalued? I used to believe
>all that too. But now, I regard marriage as the ultimate test. If you truly
>love someone, wouldn't you want to belong to him and vice-versa? When you
>find your It, go for it. When you least expect it, the thought just descends
>upon you - you have found your It. He's the one standing in front of you and
>whom you've been staying single for all your life. It's a truly amazing
>sensation, and if the other person feels the same way, then it is also a
>wonderful one. And if you have found your It, well, congratulations! Life's
>great, isn't it?
>
>
>Driving along Grange Road towards Ngee Ann City one day, my heart hicupped.
>On the other side of the road was a car which bore the licence plate of a
>former boyfriend. But the vehicle whizzed by too fast for me to see if it
>was indeed him inside. Although that relationship ended on a bad note (he
>jilted me) many, many moons ago when I was barely 21, leaving me tear-soaked
>and seeped with sadness for a long, long time, the sighting brought back a
>rush of memories, which were mostly bitter. Luckily I soon reached the
>shopping mall. It's wonderful how bright lights and the prospect of
>spending money can cheer one up. What a low-life that guy was and what a
>lucky escape I had had, I told myself, zapping him from my mind as I entered
>the On Pedder shop where an enticing array of open-toed sandals awaited me.
>
>
>Love. Can it really be eternal?
>The poet Robert Graves describes love as "a universal migraine", "a bright
>stain on the vision/blotting out reason". If that were so, I must by now be
>quite blind and without reason, for I have been in love not a few times. It
>is, after all, a thrilling sensation, with all the cliches about it ringing
>true. When you're in love, you see the world with new eyes. Everything feels
>almost unbearably light, and life can never be more right. Everyday concerns
>- the mortgage, job insecurities, family problems - seem so irrelevant. What
>matter is being with the object of your affection - that hot rush of
>anticipation as you wait for him, the warmth that engulfs you when you are
>finally together, the smugness in knowing you are loved.
>
>
>Can there be a nicer feeling than that? The way I see it, there are four
>types of people when it comes to love. The first finds a soulmate early in
>life. She marries him, they set up a home, have kids, and their life's
>pretty settled from then on. The second type moves from one relationship
>onto another, and the relationships are more often than not fraught with
>woes. Life is one roller-coaster ride as she soars with joy and plunges into
>misery. The third sort doesn't care for relationships, for she can be
>perfectly happy without a beloved by her side. Then, there is the fourth
>type, who dearly wishes to be involved with someone, but can't find the
>right partner.
>
>
>I suppose I fall into the second category, for I have had my share of
>turbulent relationships. Love, I have discovered, is seldom a one-way ticket
>to the moon. The journey can be aborted half-way and you can find yourself
>hitting the ground with a bump. Sadly, I have had my share of being brought
>down to earth. And, if I look back on my relationships, there are some
>lessons in love I have learnt: It is better to be dumped than to dump. Of
>course this is putting it simply. Life is more complex than that - there are
>people who deserve to be dumped. But if both parties haven't done any wrong,
>I'd prefer to be the "dumpee" than the "dumper" any day. Of course, it hurts
>like crazy when you discover that a person no longer loves you. But feeling
>hurt is any time better than feeling guilty. The former fuels a range of
>emotions - wretchedness, anger and self-pity chief among them - which are,
>actually, rather self-indulgent sensations and not totally unpleasant. But
>when you're the bad guy, there are no two ways about it - you've done
>something horrible to someone and the only way you can feel is lousy.
>
>
>It's not love when it's stormy. I used to think that true love had to be
>wrought with turbulent feelings, Wasn't this what Passion was all about?
>What was love without tiffs and spats, followed by dizzy kisses when you
>patched up? These days, I regard a calmer life as the healthier option.
>Because, every time you quarrel with a loved one, you are tearing him
>down,and surely that can't be what love is? It should be about shoring up
>your partner, not bring him down.
>
>
>Love just happens. You can't search for it. There was a time when I went to
>parties in the hope that I'd meet someone I could fall in love with. Well,
>it never happened. The relationships I treasure started from chance
>encounters, never through a blind date or an arranged meeting. And for those
>who are single, fret not. Serendipitous meetings do happen.
>
>
>If you love a person, you would want to show him off. If you have any qualms
>at all about the person whom you say you love perhaps you're embarrassed by
>the car he drives, or that he's balding or that he stutters or doesn't have
>a university degree - it can't be love. When you love someone, you'd regard
>him as a trophy and want to flaunt him to the world. A sharp knife cuts the
>quickest. It also hurts the least.
>
>
>When love peters out and it's time to call it quits, say your adieus
>snappily. Prolonging the goodbye only lengthens the misery and leaves a
>lousy aftertaste. Besides, a short and sweet farewell is the classiest exit.
>
>
>Love scars heal. Yes, amazingly they do, though it takes ages to forget
>someone who has forsaken you. You will alternate between fantasizing about
>looking drop-dead gorgeous and winning him back, and scheming to wreak
>revenge on him. But one day, you'll wake up, gaze at his picture and feel -
>nothing.
>
>
>If it's really love, he will marry you. Bah you say? What a stupid notion in
>this day and age? A woman doesn't need the man she loves to marry her?
>Besides, hasn't the institution of marriage been devalued? I used to believe
>all that too. But now, I regard marriage as the ultimate test. If you truly
>love someone, wouldn't you want to belong to him and vice-versa? When you
>find your It, go for it. When you least expect it, the thought just descends
>upon you - you have found your It. He's the one standing in front of you and
>whom you've been staying single for all your life. It's a truly amazing
>sensation, and if the other person feels the same way, then it is also a
>wonderful one. And if you have found your It, well, congratulations! Life's
>great, isn't it?
